Tuesday, 5 January 2010

iPoker Limit Accounts Of Winning Losers

A story which is nothing short of a tsunami in a teacup to start the new year, dear Melted Felt readers, as we bring you the inside information on the PlayTech AI software which can not only identify losing winners, but sniff out winning losers too.

Yes, the days of 60% rakeback at Victor Kyan poker are over for a certain sub-set of cash game grinders. Messages have been popping up all over ipoker saying things like: "Play SNGs Instead Ya Ginger Ba$tard" and "Get Out More Often Lardy Boy".

It all stemmed from a crossed-wire in the artifical intelligence algorythym which iPoker recently introduced to spot strange behaviors at the table (such as German players buying in for more than 20 big blinds). While the definitions of winner and loser - and their mutual compatibility - are obvious to humans, the software got confused... and so started booting people based on whether they were losers, no matter how much money they won.

After telling us that we ought to 'sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over' - the AI itself explained the complex definitions of time / location and play which it used to determine whether each player was getting laid enough, ever played drunk way above their bankroll after a night on the lash or was capable of tilt-shoving several stacks at once in response to that nagging b1tch of a spouse. Those players who fitted none of these criteria were quickly labelled losers, and invariably were the same ones who requested hand histories, used stats tools and cashed out often...and so got the proverbial boot.

So, dear readers, it is safe as houses in 2006 to go play on the iPoker Network - you'll run into far less winning losers there... in fact we are of to play with the losing winners ourselves, just soon as we finish the next can of lager.


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