Saturday, 9 January 2010

Security Alert At PCA As Online Poker Player Escapes Hotel

In a news item so shocking it makes you want to personally stake Isildur1, we bring you reports of a full scale security operation underway right now at the Atlantis Resort and Casino in the sun-drenched Bahamas - where Pokerstars are holding their yearly Caribbean Adventure!

Yes, dear Melted Felt readers, an online poker player has reportedly escaped the confines of the Hotel and poker-room, and may actually be attempting to interact with ordinary holiday makers. Local police and security officials have put out the following description - and asked that anyone seeing the escapee does not approach him, instead keeping a safe distance and calling the emergency number.

Our player is said to be 19, pasty white with unwashed and uncombed mousy-brown hair and a bum-fluff moustache. Responding to the name Jeff, the player was last seen when he busted the main event after limping behind 6 players with aces, and was wearing a black hoody, black jeans, old sneakers and listening to an iPod.


Anti-terrorism officers and special forces have now been called to the resort after 3 separate holiday makers were found dead around the report showing the horrific signs of having been bored to death by poker bad-beat stories.

Police are now advising everyone to return to their hotel rooms and securely lock the doors. Anyone coming into contact with Jeff is strongly advised to heartily agree that he should have won many many tournaments - if only he had received average luck. If Jeff starts on bad-beat stories, the advice is to immediately slash your own wrists and throat before throwing yourself into the giant shark tank, trust us here, it is a far nicer (and faster) death.

We will keep you posted!


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