Wednesday, 17 March 2010

Losers Poker Strategy - Bankroll Management - Part #1

Time to introduce a brand new concept, dear Melted Felt readers - as we start our poker strategy and information guides especially for you, the loser.

You know, there are a ton of poker strategy articles out there on the internet, all with one thing in common... they are aimed at winning players and those who are trying to become winning players. Here at Melted Felt we are a little more honest, we know full well that most of you are simply frustrated fvcking losers who donate a bit here and a little there blaming bad luck and suck-outs... So why deny it? There is a huge need to address you donating fishes with your own guides - so we are starting right now!


Bankroll management is an important aspect of online poker play, in fact it is one of the more important areas you will encounter. While this subject does not have the glamour and excitement of an all-in check-raise bluff on a straight-flush board, it is a vitally important - and often overlooked - area.

Central to the concept of bankroll management for losing players is that this technique will help you lose slower than you otherwise might. Bankroll management can also tell you how often you can move up to where people repect your raises before suffering a bad-beat, and give you an indication of what level of heads-up match you can play when you come home at 2am totally drunk munching a kebab having failed to pull.

Bankroll Management For Losers - How Many Buy-ins To Lose Slowest?

The idea here is if you spread your bankroll too thin, you'll never have enough cash to flash the cash around at work or college and explain to everyone that you are a poker pro. Balancing against this is that, if you lose your bankroll too fast, then you will have less chances to make a score.

Ideally, as a losing player you go through a 'bell shape' curve of buy-ins, starting by taking a shot at the (relative) big game, then playing safe by 'grinding' the lower levels, before noticing you only have $20 left and taking a shot once again... here is how it works for different games:

SNGs $100 Bankroll:

- Play a $30+$3 SNG, lose it to an 'all-in bingo monkey who will not play poker'
- Drop down to the 45-man $3's where you slowly lose another $50
- Think 'fvck it' and try a $22, where you get 3rd by calling with Ace-six at the bubble when you
'knew' that your huge-stacked opponent was bluffing just taking advantage of a tiny-stack not in the hand.
- Play another $33 and lose, throwing the remaining $8 away in an ultra-trubo satellite to atournament you would never cash in if it were played 10,000 times, you fish.

Cash Games $200 Bankroll:

- Start at 50c / $1 building your stack up to $164 by cleverly pushing all-in on the flop to win
just over $20 3-times in a row, get called 4th time by a flopped set and lose it all.
- Drop down to 10c / 25c, buying in for $10 each time and suffering a succession of bad beats.
- Down to $40 you can now join the $1 / $2 game with a minimum buy-in of 20 big blinds, raise-folding your way down to 10, then pushing a pair of kings on an ace high flop to lose the rest.

Imagine playing these games without bankroll management - the mind simply boggles at the thought of how fast you might lose that cash.

Well, since we know you fish have tiny attention spans, we will break it there - bookmark us today and come right on back for Part #2 of our bankroll management for losers series where we explain which buy-in levels to choose when you fancy taking a p1ssed shot, and of course which blackjack side-games are best for when you are tilted after slowplaying aces in a 6 way pot and losing.

Well might even bring some poker news in the meantime - though our story about the class action lawsuit against Phil Hellmuth by Hedgehogs who claim he has bought curling up into a ball into disrepute has been delayed by a gagging order made by publicity-crazy woodlice...


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