Monday, 1 March 2010

Political Storm As Germans Invent Word For 'Fold'

In a news item more crunchy than an Orca trainer, we today bring you news of a political and intellectual poker storm which is raging in Germany!

When professor Klaus Von Saurkraut invented a previously missing word in the German language, it caused some poker confusion. 'Folden' which can be directly translated as 'To Fold' is just not something Germanic poker players were used to... getting their heads round the concept took a while with crys of, 'Ja-vol Ich Call Anyway', and 'Raisen, Nicht Folden' heard on the virtual tables for weeks...

While it slowly sank in that Folding was, in fact, sometimes a good strategy - a separate scandal started to brew. Should Folden be a Der, Die or a Das?? After all, the Gemans like to sort things nicely into categories of Masculine, Feminine, and Neutral...

We spoke to Helmut Autobahn, an avid poker fan from Berlin. After explaining that it was a special clause in the new constitution after reunification with the East which actually mandates that German Poker players open mini-raise every fvcking hand, Helmut shed some light on the Folden debate. "On ze face of it you might think folden is a more effeminate action, what with giving in to the masterful and all powerful act of, um, raising", began Helmut between sips of Weissbier, "Yet, ze German ladies are often 220 pounds, hairy and build like giant pit-bull terriers chewing on wasps (and zat is ze pretty ones, ja)- so we did not vish to offend them by using ze prefix 'Die'"

Helmut then explained how the all powerful Unions were preventing them using 'Der', due to the role of 'Folder' being part of the auto construction process - a job mandating that wages get tripled every year and workers retire at 33 with index linked lifetime final salary pensions...

Which left the neutral Das Folden, well, don't suppose it really matters - I mean it is not like German players are actually going to use this technique any time soon now, is it...

MF

2 comments:

Victor Vega said...

'Ja-vol Ich Call Anyway', very funny - but, man, if I were you I would better beware of German ladies. They might show you ze folden.

Mark said...

Hey Victor,

You are right, they would crush the very life out of me with their muscular thighs...

Here is an admission which goes some way to explaining the post - when I was just 13 years old my parents took me to Germany on summer... yep, just as my friends and I were discovering the joys of girls, smoking cigs and stealing things I had to go on... a morris dancing tour of the black forest... no wonder I am bitter!

Mark

 
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