Friday, 12 March 2010

UB Aruba Poker Tournament Canceled - An MF Investigation

In an investigation so thorough we even went to page 2 of the Google search results, we bring you a story which will shake the very core of the poker celebrity world today, Dear Melted Felt readers... While poker enthusiasts raise their brows, tut, and mumble phrases such as 'crowded market', or 'too many tours' we have heard rumors that the Ultimate Bet Aruba tournament this year has been cancelled for more sinister reasons.

Before we reveal the made-up truth, let us knock over the flimsy dog-ate-my-homework-eque excuses which have been circulating on various message boards and blogs.

Firstly the creation of the NAPT by Pokerstars crowding out the market for poker tournaments which require you to actually sign away your very soul (in addition to any 'rights' your pathetic mortal flesh and blood may have believed it had) before you enter. This one does not quite gel for us, I mean, lets compare a tropical island paradise with a tatty casino setup in some isolated Indian reservation for a moment... bikinnis and cocktails compared to wine-flavored soft drinks and dealers on 56-hour shifts - anyone?


Next we understood that a glitch was found in the Aruba tournament poker tables, which alledgedly allowed the wearer of a special set of glasses to be beamed information on the hole-cards of all of their opponents... Melted Felt tried to contact the table manufacturer, Hamilton Poker Tables LLC, but they could not be reached for comment.

So, dear Melted Felt readers, we come to the shocking truth, exclusively supplied by the voices in our heads - that an accidental oversight in Ultimate Bet's contract writing team, combined with a gentleman being of a *cough* 'certain age' lead to the strong possibility that one Phil Hellmuth might pack his pair of yellow super-tight Speedo swimming briefs again this year... with this disturbing picture now in the heads of 100's of readers worldwide I am sure you can understand why UB management thought it would be prudent to cancel the event - on public safety grounds.

MF

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