Thursday, 22 April 2010

Phil Hellmuth World Series Entrance - A Counter Proposal

In a news item so theatrical we expect a call from the big Broadway venues at any moment, we bring you a counter-proposal for Phil Hellmuth's 2010 World Series big entrance.

Yes, dear Melted Felt readers, after hearing that Phil and the gang were planning an 'MMA' or 'UFC' style entrance this year we immediately came up with a big long list of better ideas... after crossing off such concepts as 'curling up into a ball' and the Phil N Annie 'Tarzan and Jane' act we came up with something more like a fully blown visual and musical extravaganza, well, sort of.

Yes, dearest readers we bring you: The Immaculate (Poker) Conception... in which the beauty of life itself is celebrated as we travel back in time to the very birth of Phil Hellmuth himself!

This will take a large cast of UB qualifiers and we will start with half dressed as cupids and half dressed as flowers, setting the scene with a tightly choreographed dance routine. Next a big creshendo and puff of smoke (with glitter) and the one and only Annie Duke (oh, Annie) appears at the top of a flight of stairs - dressed in the all-white of an angel and sporting huge white wings.

Annie will slowly decend the stairs doing high-kicks, bringing her wings slowly together - revealing that the edges and outside are pinky red, representing fertility and the perfect feminine form in gigantic proportions as the wings are finally brought together revealing the shape of an enormous vag1na... By now the cupids and flowers have switched costumes into huge sperms, and have formed a tightly packed group moving ever so slowly towards the waiting Annie.

Another creshendo in the music and more smoke and glitter and the sperms split to reveal... Phil Himself!

As the alpha-male, the prodigal son and the greatest poker player ever, Phil will represent the masculine form of the immaculate (poker) conception in the form of a giant 2 meter tall phallas - surging forward towards Annie where yet another big puff of dry ice / smoke will shield their union.

Silence follows for maybe 13 seconds, where after a faint but audible crying sound can be heard from the centre of the stage. The vigorously dancing sperm then part to reveal a large baby crying. We thought Joe Sebok dressed in an adult diaper with one of those comedy massive pacifiers would work out well here... this would of course represent the beautiful moment of the birth of Hellmuth.

OK, so we have not *quite* figured how to get Phil out of the giant c0ck costume and onto his table just yet... I mean, he could always just walk in (on time), sit down and play this year... it would probably get just as much press coverage.

Can you think of a better entrance? Let us know!


1 comment:

Akhil said...

You da man Mark! LMFAO!!!

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