Monday, 19 April 2010

Travel Misery As Stranded American Misses Sunday Million

In a news item full of minute particles of glass, we bring you some news from Europe today Dear Melted Felt readers... where the very sun is blotted out by a completely invisible cloud of volcanic dust covering the entire continent.

You may think that the lack of specialist exotic fruit and fresh-cut flowers on the supermarket shelves was already pretty horrific - we will today shock you with an even worse outcome, as Nate, a 25 year old poker player from Boston - spent a 4th night in a hotel next to Heathrow airport - some 3000 miles away from his PC and already paid-for Sunday Million entry.

As fruit growers in 3rd world countries comtemplated their wares rotting in stranded containers, loved ones are unable to attend weddings of sweaty, fat and extremely ugly 50 year old guys with unusual body-hair to 19 year old Thai beauties who did not speak English - and daddies all over the world missed the 3rd birthday parties of their little princesses... a much worse fate was happening to Nate - he simply blinded away.

"I tried to call my buddies to get them to unregister me" said Nate via telephone from Foggy London, "but they laughed and asked if online poker was legal" continuing "Mom was no help either, she just kept asking whether I had enough clean underwear and enquiring as to what language they spoke in England".

We asked Nate what steps he had taken to get compensation... "well, I went to the airline desk, it was busy with some whining idiot complaining that his 11 year old son was dying for lack of insulin... after shoving that a55hole out of the way and then using my superior muscle power to get past the old lady waffling on about how her husband was on his death bed and asking for he before he passes - I tried to explain to the staff that they owed me two hundred and fifteen fvcking US fvcking dollars, man, but they just looked at me blankly - don't they fvucking know I have some serious forum rep?"

With the flight ban already extended until 1am local time on Tuesday we are certainly concerned about the tournament schedules of stranded travellers everywhere. Finally, we would like to congratualate Nate, who - by virtue of playing no hands at all - managed his deepest finish in the Sunday Million ever!

MF

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