Monday, 31 May 2010

Senator Kyl In Plan To Plug Gulf Oil Leak

Missed me? I know the mental pain and anguish is hard to bear when I take a short break, dearest Melted Felt readers. Back from the iGaming Supershow in Prague, refreshed if a little hung-over and utterly shocked to find out the latest move in the US... where Senator Jon Kyl is proposing a an entirely ficticious, yet radical solution to cleaning up the Gulf of Mexico oil leak - using online poker players.

Until now, online poker players have added little to society. Sitting in darkened rooms clicking away, totally failing to pay tax and scoring a 'nil' on social interactions in general. Kyl, a long time opponent of anyone enjoying themselves in any way whatsoever (oh and online gambling too)who is prone to throw his toys out of the pram if he does not get his own way, has suggested that ending the worst environmental disaster in the history of the US could be achieved using online poker players.

The idea is simple.

With oil gushing out at 5000 liters per hour some serious thought is required as to how the online poker player solution will be constructed. It is thought that a compact plug of slowrollers and serial limpers will be forced in first, with rakeback grinders filling in any gaps around the edges. Next a layer of (preferably backed) lower to middle limit tournament pros will be used to prevent the plug being forced out, sit n go specialists used to prevent bubbles and then some degen PLO fans layered over the top to hoover up any loose equity, erm, oil.

According to Kyl, around 23,000 online poker players should be enough to kill the leak, with an addtional 10,000 on standby in case the plan fails. All being well, there will be nobody left online to actually witness the implementaton of the UIGEA tomorrow.


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