Monday, 10 May 2010

Stars In SCOOP Charity Sensation

In a poker news post so charitable it makes you want to marry your dying cat, we today bring you yet another sensational exclusive from the world of online poker. Indeed, dear Melted Felt readers it seems that Pokerstars have decided that this years SCOOP will not only fill their (located safely in tax havens) coffers... but will benefit 3 distinct charities too... owwwww, aren't they just luuuuvleyyyy.

Yes, Pokerstars have in fact agreed to donate every single unused flop, turn and river in this years SCOOP to different charities. We spoke to insider Richard Trott, who, according to his imaginary business card, is Pokerstars head of 'Offering Practical Support In Locating And Persuading Individuals and / or Organiizations Who May Wish To File Lawsuits Against Full Tilt'...

After explaining that filing against FTP was as easy as signing one of the documents he just happened (co-incidentally) to be carrying *right now*, Richard went on to explain the thinking behind the charitable donations. "With such big fields, there are an unprecedented number of flops, turns and rivers which never get used, and Pokerstars saw an opportunity to give something back to a society we so blantantly suck dry for much of the year", continuing, "the key issue was, which charities were truly deserving, which causes should be the beneficiaries of what could - at the end of the championships - actually be a reasonably large amount of flops".

Soon after completing the task of putting generic Full Tilt lawsuits into colored envelopes for us to give to friends and relations, Richard revealed that the decision had been made - in Spring Championship tradition - to split the donations into 'Low', 'Medium' and 'High', donating to the appropriate charity in each case.

At the time this news item went to press we are still waiting for an official response from the 'Tripods Anonymous' organization, dedicated to assisting well endowed dwarves, midgets and other wee-fellas. The relabilitation of chronic drug users via the HIGH charity thought that the offer of all those flops, turns and rivers was, like, really, f'n far out, man... Alas the Mediums charity had already seen the donation coming, and spent it on FTOPS entries...


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