Friday, 25 June 2010

Pokerstars: Help Us Hunt Down The Frogs

In a shocking development Pokerstars have written to all of their French players advising them to move to play money for their own fvcking good. After expensive statistical analysis of the French players they only found one single winner of the 32,756 registered. Apparently Jean-Paul from Toulouse came 2nd in his first ever Sit N Go, then forgot his password and never bothered to have it re-set, while the other 32,755 were losers.

Of course, with players who registered as Frenchies in the first place things were easy. Simply send them a vaguely worded e-mail citing 'legal stuff' and the forget about it. This, however, is not going to catch every Garlic Munching Surrender Monkey out there... they are well educated and cunning at the best of times, dearest Melted Felt fan, and we need YOU to help track them down and to *ahem* 'retire' them.

Stars have already come up with an online test to catch the majority of the Shower-Dodging Onion Sellers. When a suspected Frenchy logs on they will be faced with a pop up window asking "Are You French?". The responses will be 'Oui' (yes) and 'Fold' (for no)... since we know full well that the French are completely unable to hit a fold button, ever, this should force them to own up to the fact that it was the Allies who liberated them, and not Charles De Gaul single fvcking handed.

We still need more ideas for this one, the big Frenchy hunt of the summer of 2010 has the potential to go down in Poker history... should we show people pictures of pretty ladies with very hairy armpits and see if they are aroused? Offer garlic flavored ice-cream in exchange for filling in an online survey? Mention the soccer world cup and see if tears well in their eyes?

We need your help here folks - if you think you spot a Ball-Handling Serial Protester on Stars do not risk them 'taunting you for a second time...', dear readers, simply dial 1-800-GARLIC in strictest confidence.


1 comment:

BlameTheBird said...

Wrong number I think. I reached a "Fifi" asking me "avec vous a l'ecole mon ami?

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