Monday, 5 July 2010

China To Unpeg Double Or Nothing Colluders

In a post that has seen the Ghost of China and discovered that it is indeed very very red, dear Melted Felt readers, we bring you news of a scandal which has rocked the obscure and sinister world of Double or Nothing SNG fans to the very core! Pokerstars' security team recently banning more than 20 accounts which were alledgedly involved in a giant collusion racket.

Being more thorough than your average poker satire blog, we immediately dispatched the Melted Felt Mole to Tianamen square...

After having a quick (very quick) nap in front of a tank then dousing himself with petrol and setting himself on fire while listening to 'The Flying Teapot' on his iPod to lend some moral support to Falun-Gong supporters - the Mole was able to get a statement from the Chinese authorities.

"As the very important official from the even more powerful Ministry of Plastic Stuff, I have to point out that biased and anti-Chinese media outlets have painted the discovery of one of our collusion teams in a very unfavorable light" continuing, "the free Chinese media agency are currently producing a factual documentary on the subject, giving our heros who successfully countered imperialist donks for so long", he paused to rub powdered Siberian snow leopard into his ring-piece, coughed once and then continued, "some due respect".

"China will continue to peg the number of Double or Nothing colluders to the rate of 8-game specialists between 10c / 25c and $1 / $2. If we decide to move this rate it will be for the greater good of the people of China" said the official, pausing only briefly to execute a petty criminal with a bullet in the back of the head before continuing, "Western pressure will have no effect on the decision of China on how many collusion teams, CPA fraudsters and bot development projects will be run."

The Mole was then imprisoned for bribing an official, and had to bribe an official to get out, at which point he was imprisoned for bribing that official - we will let you know how that one goes.


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