Monday, 12 July 2010

Clairvoyant Slug Predicts Winner Of Sunday Million

Paul the psychic octopus has been all over the media at the soccer world cup, correctly predicting all of Germany's results by choosing the correct flag before each match - and even correctly predicting all 27 yellow cards in the final... Well, being more adventurous than your average poker blog - we thought it was time to go one further... Yes, dearest Melted Felt readers, we have been trying out various future-telling creatures in the world of poker.

First we borrowed the hamster from a friend's daughter Hayley - aged seven. Hayley told us that her darling Hamster, "Prince Hammy" was so very very clever that he would be able to quickly tell us which poker name would go furthest in this years World Series of Poker Main Event. Intrigued, we set up an experiment exactly replicating that given with Paul the Octopus.

One tasty sunflower seed was attached to a picture of Phil Ivey, Phil Hellmuth, Doyle Brunson, Daniel Negreanu and Mike Matusow. We then lowered the pictures into 'Prince Hammy's' tank, under strictly controlled conditions and watched to see which seed he would pop into his cheeky 'lill hamster cheek-pouch first.

After approximately 2 hours of f all happening we had to break the sad news to Hayley that Princess Hammy had unfortunately drowned, though he was no doubt having lots of fun in Hamster heaven, probably. At the time of writing we are still waiting for an explanation from the Melted Felt mole as to exactly why he decided to take replicating the 'Paul the Octopus' experiment quite so literally.

Next we marked out a grid in our kitty litter tray, as a special control marked each square with a number, and created a secret list of 12 aspiring poker pros to see if we could predict who would be highest on the global poker tournament players rankings in 6 months time. We will bring you the result of this one as soon as we find a volunteer to dig through the litter and find the buried treasures...

Not to be discouraged, we finally found the psychic beast we were looking for. After locating a promising slug we performed what will (probably) go down in history as the greatest predication ever. Printing, cutting out and scattering the names of all 6528 entrants to yesterday's Sunday Million, we scattered their names all over the kitchen floor. We then fed our nasty, slightly orange tinged sticky slug a yummy tasty McSlug Pellet burger(c), ensuring its painful and reasonably immiment demise. The slug duly died next to 'TeddyKGB1234', who 10 hours later won the Sunday Million for $173,974

Amazing.

Paul the Octpus, you could not have come close.

MF

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