Thursday, 22 July 2010

Quick Fire Roundup - The HR2267 Debate, "Taxing Grinders Act".

In an exclusive so political we had a vote on whether to post it at all*, we bring you news of the debate on Barney Frank's 7012th piece of legislation, the "Internet Gambling Regulation, Taxing Grinders and Protecting Donks Act"- also known as HR2267.

*The vote was won by a majority of 1, with Mark voting to post the post and nobody else able to vote, or something.

As you would expect, the debate was vigorous, with both anti and extremely-anti gambling names making big statements and scary predictions. Here is a rundown of the major players and their stances.

- Spencer Bachus (Republican - AL) put to the committee that evil gaming corporations are infiltrating the brains of cute fluffy kittens using innocuous names like "Safe And Secure Puddy Tat' to fool us into thinking that they were actually trying to protect us, while they were really addicting people to a life of gambling, vice and drugs from the very first hand.

- Annie Duke, (Poker Pro - UB) was fully clothed throughout the hearing and spoke eloquently about the fact that people kind of like playing poker, that the UIGEA was something to do with banks and that, if they did not get the legislation through fast Phil Hellmuth might come along and explain how poker is a skill game.

- Lyn Marebla, representing Indian Tribal interests said that internet gambling was bad, as it prevented people going to eat sh1t food and drinking overpriced non-alcoholic wine at their tatty old reservations. She added that TVs, Video Games, and Carpets should also be banned, in order to encourage more people to do their patriotic duty and drive to reservations to pay stupidly high rake to surly dealers in poker rooms which stink of stale cigarette smoke.

- Micheal Fagan, an anti-terrorism consultant, then spoke, explaining that back in '67 the Viet Kong were all avid online poker players, and that cards, dice and coins should be immediately outlawed to prevent the youth turning into commies and bringing down the very fabric of society by masturbating frequently. Michael added that an ammendment should be made to the bill which included provision to round up every damn homosexual online gambling Ruskie out there, put them in a field and, well, bomb the bastards.

Wrapping up Barney Frank sliently voiced his disappointment that Annie (Oh, Annie) was fully dressed and then pointed out that the people who did not like the idea of legalizing online poker were in two main camps, those who thought that a quick game of cards would result in enternal hell-fire and damnation, and those who were protecting their own financial interests by trying to convince others that a quick game of cards would result in enternal hell-fire and damnation.

Watch out for a markup soon!

MF

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