Friday, 9 July 2010

Relief, As The Poker Community Finally Finds Something About Eastgate To Hate...

News from the land of Carlsberg and Bacon today, dear Melted Felt readers - as we finally get the opportunity to say (well, write) a bad word on the poker pro that nobody ever had a bad word to say (well, write) about... 2008 WSOP Main Event Champ Peter "Mr Personality" Eastgate.

You see, Peter was always quietly spoken, dignified and carried himself with a certain class which meant people would write things like, 'real nice guy', or 'great ambassador for poker' about him. Eastgate went on to prove that he was no one-hit-wonder by winning few (and final tabling a few other) big tournaments. He was humble in interviews, nice to old people and treated furry woodland creatures with the care and respect they deserved [you are absolutely sure about the woodland creatures bit, right? - Ed]

Just as you were about to vote for Peter as the 'nicest poker player eva'and take him to your Mum's for a tasty slice of cake, he goes and reveals it was all a cleverly constructed niceness levels-of-thinking slowroll.

Yep, a slowroll.

You see Peter was saving it all up. The goodwill, the respect of his peers, the inability to put a foot wrong in public. His dramatic lack of human-ness, He was saving it for one big twist.

Saving it so he could really, really, really p1ss you off - Big time, properly, just once.

And now he has.

Yes, by giving up poker for ever this week Eastgate has revealed he was considering calling for those 5 full agnonizing minutes while holding quads all along. He has twisted the knife into all of his fans who, try as they might, can not get a run of 'just average luck' long enough to get them out of the micros, he has shown the proverbial two fingers to the aspirations of college dropouts worldwide who will end up driving taxis once their positive variance starts to wane.

By saying 'Yeah, well, $10.5 million is enough, I'm young and going to enjoy life without poker', Peter finally (and shockingly) revealed that he is not 'one of us' at all, he actually is a class act - just one that likes to have the last laugh - at your expense.

Nice slowroll Peter, we can all start a new era now - of claiming to having hated you all along!


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