Monday, 30 August 2010

Alert Issued As Annie's Cu*t Escapes

Hope you are sitting comfortably today, dear Melted Felt readers - as we have news even more shocking than usual. Yes, the Feds have issued an alert over 12 States as Annie's cu*t escapes leaving a trail of destruction behind - as it heads East from Vegas towards the Atlantic ocean.

In an urgent press release, members of the Public have been urged not to approach the cu*t, which - while not thought to be armed - is extremely angry and potentially lethal. They note that the cu*t has previously demeaned women, written to offshore poker sites and may even be suffering from delusions of importance in, erm, the big scheme of things.

With the trail of carnage streaching through Utah, where a family of 4 were found savagely murdered in their car at some traffic lights, right through to Illinois - where wildlife has been turning up mutilated all long the main intersection. Cops have been advised to shoot the cu*t on site.

Ports from North Carolina to New Jersey were put on the highest alert yesterday is it was understood that the eventual destination of the escaped cu*t was the Isle Of Man - as small Tax haven which a certain big poker site use to sit counting all their money while gently laughing to themselves. A fleet of Submarines has been put on standby to intercept... and sub-aqua-sub-sonic warnings have been issues to Whales long the expected route by some hippy-sh1t charity or other.

Reactions in the poker world to the escape of Annie's cu*t have been mixed, we understand that one terrified player named Dan is currently under 24 hour police protection in fear for his life. While most others are quietly smirking behind their hands...

Can you help? Have you spotted Annie's cu*t?

If so please dial the federal helpline now at 1-123-666-CU*T


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