Wednesday, 11 August 2010

As ‘Legal’ US Poker Looms Large, We Survey The Major Site’s Reactions

Well, it’s a start –Bill H2267 now making its fluffy, furry way from committee, skippying merrily through the corridors of power, waltzing up the stairs and straight into a pit of rabid political dogs. Supporters are being won around all the time, with the lure of just a little extra cash to pay for all those votes bought by promising unsustainable pension benefits to public sector employees proving to be a valuable tipping point on both sides of the floor.

Here at Melted Felt, we thought it was a great opportunity to list what the biggest poker sites are actually doing in preparation for the big day, at least according to those pesky voices in our head:

- Pokerstars have already announced that they fully expect to be licensed, having done nothing wrong at all, ever. At the same time they expect Full Tilt to be permanently banned with everyone who ever played there prosecuted since they broke every law in the book.

- Full Tilt Poker have announced that, since they did nothing wrong at all, ever – they fully expect to be licensed by the US authorities once the legislation goes through. Simultaneously, they declared that Pokerstars are expected to be banned, with everyone who played there sentenced to 30 days hard labor while wearing a Howard Lederer t-shirt.

- Party Poker are really happy to be in the clear, after paying numerous bribes, oops, no, we mean *ahem* settlements to the US authorities in the hope of setting a president blocking their rivals from entering. Just in case it all goes tits-up, Party have declared that any shareholder whose background check stops them getting a license will be forced to play at PartyBingo until they sell up.

- Titan Poker and the iPoker Network have rolled over in bed, said “mmggmpphyaaa whaddayamean?”, dribbled on their pillow and then fallen back asleep again. When they wake up we will let them know that being the 3rd largest poker site is no good at all if the biggest market out there have never heard of you.

- Everest Poker, have declared that they will fart in the general direction of the US market as they have always done, and if you so much as mention table sponsorship deals they will most probably taunt you for a second time.

- Cereus Look forward to welcoming thousands more innocent little lambykins, after all, it is perfectly safe there my best and most precious of friends…

More updates on the every changing clutching at legal straws situation as they arise, or something.


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