Tuesday, 14 September 2010

Repetitive Strain Injury Association To Sponsor Pokerstars 50 Billionth Hand Promo?

In a news item that just subconsciously gave it’s right wrist a little rub, we can reveal that the Repetitive Strain Injury Association are ‘giving back’ to Pokerstars – by sponsoring the 50 Billionth hand promotion coming up soon.

By way of saying ‘thanks’ for the huge number of otherwise healthy young players developing incurable ailments including the truly painful DeQuervains syndrome or stenosing tenosynovitis – the RSI people have come up with a sponsorship package which will add cash to the pockets of many aspiring cripples.

While the winner of the 50 Billionth hand will get an honorary degree in Tennis Elbow studies – it is the cumulative points-based bonuses which caught our eye, these include:

- Play 10,000 hands during the month and receive an additional embossed ‘Carpal Tunnel Is Painful As Hell’ certificate.
- Those reaching 20,000 hands will receive some of the strongest painkillers available without prescription to help ease their cubital tunnel syndrome symptoms.
- Anyone clocking 50,000 hands will get a token to a freeroll in which they can win a home help for a whole year. This will be great for helping with those everyday tasks the winners can no longer carry out – such as getting dressed, eating breakfast and wiping their own a$$.

In other news the RSI society have announced a special poker controller which is designed to cope with the twin vices of online gambling and p0rn. The amazing innovation to be released soon is known as the Poker C0cktroller – and will enable multi-tabling at the same time as cracking one off… all in a wrist-friendly setup.

Sounds almost too good to be true to me, dearest Melted Felt readers, I recommend you get clicking right away – after all, if you just had average luck you’d crush the games at the same time as permanently damaging your wrists!

MF

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