Monday, 6 September 2010

Stephen Hawking Declares Universe Created Without Poker Gods

Monday metaphysics, dear Melted Felt readers? Or would you prefer I just continue with the usual shocking run of made up poker news?

Well, I don't know about you, but I have had to rethink my entire existence this weekend... after famously brainy raspberry-ripple Stephen Hawking managed to explain how the universe could exist without any form of poker gods.

Now you just do not find that many atheists in the fox-holes of getting rivered. Though you will find the occasional poker-agnostic of course, however they are soon forced to believe by the sheer brute force of set-over-set, runner-runner flushes and unexplainable 2-pairs. Believers, like me, who put our faith and livelihoods into pleasing the poker-gods that they do not cold-deck us too often are quite simply having a hard time believing that they had no part at all in the creation of the universe.

I mean, look around our planet and see how much good you see... how little war and hatred, how few hungry people or crime, how tiny the number of children dying from easily preventable diseases while others waste and indulge... and you will see that our planet just had to be created by a benign and loving super-natural deity. Erm, wait a second there, yeah, I'll just go get 1 or 2 of those claims verified, a minor detail, really - I'll be right back - you just carry on believing folks, its ok to keep hating those who don't believe the same way as you for the moment while I check, just leave it with me and somehow keep genuinely believing you are a 'force for good'- ok?

So, Mr Stephen nurse-fiddling Hawking... how do you explain the $3 rebuy without the need for an all-seeing deity?? How do you explain Phil Hellmuth without bringing previous-lives into the equation? What about Hamilton? How did he not make a pact with the poker-gods arch-enemy?

I'm laying out a challenge right here and right now Stevey-boy - come around my house, lets debate the whole issue...over a cup of tea (bring your own tube please) and if we can not agree that the poker-gods were definitely f-in required to create the universe by 5'o Clock, we can have an arm-wrestle to decide...ok??


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