Monday, 18 October 2010

Poker World Baffled As Nobody Wins Sunday Majors

The poker world was left scratching its collective head this morning, dear Melted Felt readers, trying to work out how come nobody won any of the Sunday majors. Journalists were left with their clich├ęs hanging in mid-air, railbirds were puzzled as to what happened while they stepped out for a moment to go to the kitchen and the poker sites themselves were at a loss to say who they actually shipped the money to.

Pokerstars Sunday Million was the biggest mystery of all. It was all going to plan as we got down to the final table, a couple of pro grinders fighting it out with the remaining donks. As the final table was formed muffled cheers came from all over the world, with those hacks ready with their ‘Player X put Y to the ultimate test’ and ‘made the call, flipping up’ ready to be cut and pasted into their write up.

Then, well, everyone kind of lost interest. They got up and wandered off, some popped out for a smoke, others munched a tasty snack. Somehow nobody could be bothered to come back, and when the game was cancelled, well, that was no big deal.

Over at Full Tilt the Monthly million suffered a similar fate. Curiously, since there were no big names left for the final table, the railers switched off and went to bed. For some reason this set up enough momentum for the players to start doing them same. Howard Lederer, then looked up from counting yet another of his gigantic piles of cash, saw that there was nobody left and casually hit the off switch.

At Party Poker the 300k seemed to be going fine, with limping pre-flop causing the fold button to disappear for the rest of the hand as usual. During the final the 2 British players wandered off to make a cup of tea, the Nordic guys stopped playing to watch a replay of the Man U match, the Frenchy went on strike and the lone German realized that he lost all his chips while the blinds were 50 / 100 and finally stopped hitting the raise button.

Well, dearest readers, I always knew that conspiracy theories were actually created by governments to keep us from the real truth, and that, erm, proves it.


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