Thursday, 11 November 2010

Canada Go Wild After Winning First Non-Hockey Thing Ever

As yet another dull, young poker pro scoops the big prize in the World Series of Poker Main Event we duly take note – dear Melted Felt readers, that this one is in fact a Canadian.

With nation after nation sending their early 20’s bedroom locked online pro grinders to the games, it was only a matter of time before a we saw a string of personality-challenged ambassadors for maximizing your ev over 16 tables 12 hours a day win the biggest pot of cash in the poker game.

What is different this time is that this is the first time in the whole of history that Canada – a cold and barren annex of the USA – has won anything at all which is not directly related to ice hockey.

Celebrating the win wearing, erm, Hockey shirts, the fans of Jonathan Duhamel were probably not even aware of the harsh disqualification of the last international contest winner from Canada - Fanny McDermot.

In 1903 Fanny won an international knitting competition, coming up with an absolutely lovely scarf using a smashing maple-leaf design. As the entire nation went to celebrate (wearing Hockey shirts of course), Fanny was found to have knitted two and pearled one – which was strictly against the rules of the competition, and thus was disqualified… starting Canada’s 107 year-long run of winning nothing at all what-so-ever.

Canada – which only started as a country only after so many US travelers claimed to be from there that someone took the initiative and actually went and created it – has reportedly going wild all week. We have it on good authority that certain revelers in Toronto were considering drinking a 3rd beer in the same night (steady now), while in Montreal the traditional meal of fried penguin was being washed down with white wine and soda diluted well above the normal 25 parts to 1 and plans were being made to stay up past the nationally designated bed-time of 10:15pm.

Flush with their success, Canada is apparently planning audacious attempts at new international competitions which also do not directly relate to hockey, herrings or polar bears… in the meantime we would like to congratulate Jon Duhamel, and express our condolences to the rest of the utterly dull 20 something grinders whose names have already been forgotten… apart from the nutcase with the ace-seven of course!

MF

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