Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Negreanu Furious As Waitress Slowrolls His EPT Tofu Lunch

Microwave-reheated hot news from the EPT Vienna, dear Melted Felt readers. As you may or may not know, nothing winds up a tofu muncher like a slowroll, and when the two things are combined – well you had better get the vegetables ready to be steamed by the jets coming out of each ear…

It started innocently enough, Dan the man perused the menu, noticing that those crazy Austrians do enjoy a tasty animal to munch on. When he asked a waitress whether there were any vegetarian options the first reaction was a shocked blank stare… did this guy not know that the entire Hungarian royal family were put to the sword for requesting ‘just a little salad’ rather than the charred leg of a formerly proud creature for their lunch?

In the end the head chef, Amadeus Wienerschnitzelhoff was called and agreed to cook up a nice combo of chemicals, bean curd and sour milk – along with some nice fresh roasted veg, potatoes and half of a wild boar on the side, even though (strictly speaking) he was prohibited from serving such hippy muck under the terms of the treaty of Versailles. Declining the dead boar in favor of some sweet chilli sauce, Negreanu thought that was the last of the incident and tucked a napkin into his shirt in anticipation of his meat-free feast.

This is where the story splits into two, Daniel claiming he was deliberately slowrolled, with the waitress twice appearing with a plate, moving towards him and then swerving at the last minute and returning to the kitchen. Amadeus explains things in different ways, after sending out several of his kitchen staff with knives, guns and table legs to actually kill a 'tofu' and return it to the kitchen… he had experienced some doubts that he was serving the correct creature - and that this was simply a communication error.

After an hour and a half the dish finally arrived, Doris, the waitress waiting a full 20 seconds before taking the lid off of the plate to reveal, deliciously flavored tofu, crunchy roasted vegetables, fluffy and creamy mashed potato – and of course, the turned nut straight.

MF

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