Saturday, 1 January 2011

Xmas Presents To Blame Once More As Annie And Phil Leave UB.com?

Earlier this week we speculated that the gift of curling-tongs, dear Melted Felt readers, lead to the abrupt departure of one Lee Jones from Cake Poker. Just a couple of days later and we are back, wondering how things could have gone so wrong for UB.com – who have lost the services of both Annie (oh, Annie) Duke and Phil Hellmuth.

Not having access to inside information meant we had to dispatch the Melted Felt Mole, our intrepid hack who loves to rifle through trash cans, bribe junior members of staff, hold the wives of senior management at gunpoint – and if he gets stuck in the pub – just make plausible sounding news up and pretend that it is real.

What the Mole came back with was shocking, even for the voices in our head. We wildly speculate right here that Annie (oh, Annie) and Phil both left their long-time sponsors due to the anger, resentment and bewilderment caused by what can only be described as rather poorly selected seasonal gifts.

When Annie (oh oh oh, Annie) unwrapped her package, with the label reading ‘love from Management’ (just the one kiss), She would immediately have known that her time was up… Daniel Negreanu might have provided some solid hand advice in his Holdem Wisdom book – the signed copy just added insult to, erm, insult though.

Well that certainly gave Annie (oh, Annie) a good reason to leave. When it comes to Phil the inappropriateness of gifts was not just an insult to his good name, it was an insult to his family, most of his friends, quite a lot of the friends of his friends, their pets and some of their pets friends too… Apparently, Phil was cool with a copy of Dale Carnegie’s ‘How To Win Friends And Influence People’. He was not even too upset when his sexy santa posing pouch turned up in size XXS. What really got Phil's UB goat was the Fischer Price Plastic Jewelry making set for girls under 7 (deluxe edition), with the note attached saying poker has moved on so far in the last few years, that you’d better make your own bracelets from now on…

As far as the moles report goes – Joe Seebok is still in place in his capacity of UB’s 'head of not being gay, at all.' To be honest we were relieved, I mean, it would have been difficult to make up bullsh1t about his xmas gifts in a family-friendly poker satire blog.

MF – The Family Friendly Poker Satire Blog That Used To Be Funny ™

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