Saturday, 12 February 2011

Senator Jon Kyl To Focus On SNE Chase In 2012?

Speculation was mounting yesterday, dear Melted Felt readers, that another Federal level push for an online poker bill which current players would get excited about and then universally hate may be underway. As forum posters country-wide looked forward to another opportunity to whine that the PPA had not looked after the best interest of tax-dodging rakeback grinders living rent-free in their Mum’s basement, we bring you news that one key opponent of online gambling – Senator Jon Kyl has resigned.

Kyl, who famously held up key treasury positions during the peak of the economic crisis so that he could get his favorite peach-colored toilet paper in the senate bathrooms – rather than the plain white rolls mandated by Obama - has been a long time opponent of any form of wagering online. It came as even more of a shock to find out that rumors (started here, by me) indicate that Jon Kyl has actually resigned to focus on a Supernova Elite Chase during 2012.

“Its, like, more than $120k in benefits, not even including any profits from the games” an imaginary Kyl spokesman said yesterday, “Jon worked out that, with his pension from 26 years of service, smart investments made over the years from *cough* donations from the various lobbying groups – and then just 5 hours a day grinding SNGs, he’ll be laughing”

We asked about the apparent turn-around in Kyl’s anti-gaming stance, a mis-understanding which the imaginary spokesman quickly corrected. “Its not like SNGs are gambling, you fvcking fool” he said, “Jon is smart enough to think of the bubble in terms of prize pool equity, not just chips, and anyway, if he goes on a downswing it is just a couple of phone-calls and the bank accounts of any winning opponents are nuked” continuing, “without any of that political bullsh1t we estimate Jon should be a SNE in time for the World Series, after which we are considering challenging Ron Paul to a heads-up match – for rollz of course”.

Well, we wish Senator Kyl all the best in his new career, and hope that his example will see many potential politicians sit grinding in darkened rooms instead, after all, it beats working as a slave in a cube, man.


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