Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Legalization Of Online Poker, Spring Update

Remember 2006 dear US Melted Felt readers? When there were so many fish that even slightly stupid players could win money, when you could deposit and withdraw at the click of a button... and when you could choose any damn poker site you wanted to play on?? No, of course most of you do not… its just a pipe dream that the old ‘uns tell you about the good old days – oh and a completely boring and normal situation for everyone outside of the US…

Anyway, I did not start this post to reminisce – far from it, this is a forward looking post. This post will be filled to the very brim with enthusiasm and positive energy as we look at many different efforts to legalize online poker so that millions of Americans can have the opportunity to pay far too much in rake and tax while thinking that they are good - just a little unlucky.

I’ll break it down from the Federal to the State level and see what is what:

2011 Poker Legislation #1 – Barney Frank’s New Bill

Yes, the man whose office would certainly completely deny he ever had a monkey testicle implanted into his nose is at it once again. Releasing the brand new, all singing and all dancing ‘Snowballs Chance Of Getting Through Committee Poker Regulation Bill, Do-Da-Do-Da-Day, version XXIV’.

The next step for this particular bill is to run down a tunnel with poisoned spears coming from either side, dodging a giant ball of rock which actually snuggly fills the tunnel, then swinging across a gaping chasm on an old rope. If the bill makes it this far it will then be attached to a fluffy kitten and put into the Gorilla cage at Washington DC zoo.

2011 Poker Legislation #2 – New Jersey

Well, this one is fvcked. After an epic slowroll from governor Chris Christie the only possible ‘out’ is now a referendum, if you think this has any chance then just go ask your gran if she thinks that internet gambling is a wholesome and desirable pastime.

2011 Poker Legislation #3 – California

Possibilities here, with a proposed 10% profits tax and 3 licenses – though not for those naughty sites who have not been breaking any laws we know of by offering poker since ’06. With a big enough population to make an intrastate system work this is a real possibility, possible stumbling blocks include the tribes not getting a big enough slice of the pie.

2011 Poker Legislation – Nevada

Now the business minds of Nevada know how gambling works, right? Low tax, big player pools and off we go! Nevada do not care about ‘past transgressions’, as long as potential licensees have deep pockets. They are smart enough to realize that a sh1tty intrastate room alone with never compete with the big sites, and so will open their doors to players from other states. Sounds like a winner to me, I wonder who might be behind this bill?

2011 Poker Legislation – Iowa

20% tax and a tiny population, the only positive I can see in this bill is that it might give some of the residents there a break from walking around in circles – something they are all doomed to do, since Iowans have one leg shorter than the other.

2011 Poker Legislation – Florida

Hot of the heels of allowing deep stacked play in casinos, Florida are also in the intrastate path. 10% tax sounds fair, and the bad-boys are out… with 96% of the population over 77 years of age, we can not help wonder if the games might be a little, well, slow.

So there you have it, the latest state of play… bet you are really fvucking glad you donated all that money to the Poker Players Alliance, erm, right?



CptnMik said...

Hey Mark, you left out Hawaii. Their bill just dropped in, and it says poker is a game of skill and not of luck, as long as it is Texas Hold'em or Omaha and NOT Stud or Draw ... and they want a tax of 20% on all wagers ... and if you don't believe me, check this: Hawaii SB755 http://www.capitol.hawaii.gov/session2011/Bills/SB755_HD1_PROPOSED_.htm
I wonder if this one could get the Mark's-Favourite-Crown

Mark said...

Thanks Cptn! Sounds like great news for *both* of Hawaii's poker players... I'll keep an eye on this bill too.


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