Thursday, 10 March 2011

Sunday $5 Million To Be Re-Run After Underage Player Scandal?

We were shocked, horrified and, erm, baffled, dear Melted Felt readers – to find out that one of the final table big-winners in last week’s 5th anniversary Sunday Million was a minor. Yes, a minor as-in someone not yet old enough to drive a heavy-goods vehicle… not a myna, which is a type of talking bird.

Anyway, Pokerstars investigated and it looks like they have decided to take the dosh from 17 year old Jimmy Jonker, realizing that contrary to his claims and the size of those Dutch in general… his dad was not in fact bigger than their dad – and would not be able to win a game of ‘thumbs’, let alone an arm-wrestle should it come to blows.

Of course, this leaves a problem – what to do with the cool $500,000 which until yesterday little Jimmy thought was a fine subsidy to his 12 euro a week pocket-money allowance.

The official line from Pokerstars is currently silence. Just as well then that the voices in our head have a direct telepathic link then. We can exclusively reveal, right here and right now, the made up story that:

Pokerstars have declared the entire Sunday $5 Million void and will be re-running it next week!!

Great news for the 19,000 of us who got our money in good, only to get rivered once again. Fantastic tidings for those 998 who would be pros by now, if they could just hold for that crucial flip one-time, and a reprieve for the 23 players who registered for the game early and then blinded out due to the untimely death of a close relative or treasured pet.

What is more, we are really looking forward to the shirty mails from the 17 of you who scan this, somehow believe it and then log back on to Pokerstars and find out that we are talking Sh1te…well, we have to do something to amuse ourselves, right?

More News: We are really happy to see that one of the ‘Major’ poker news regurgitating sites have a story on people getting bored with the Durrrr challenge this week… not only do we feel vindicated in the Melted Felt line of thought – we are proud (yes, dear readers – proud) to have noticed how sh1t the Durrrr Challenge was almost 2 years before anyone else – see the 2009 archive for more! How about a new slogan' Melted Felt, making up the poker news years before anyone else does.' Erm, maybe not.

MF

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