Saturday, 23 April 2011

Stars To Hire US ‘Spite Railers’ As Games Get Too Friendly

In what could be a boon for out of work US grinders, a recruitment drive has started for people experienced in spiteful online poker chat, dear Melted Felt readers. Over the past week numerous complaints have come in suggesting online poker has gotten a little friendly – and just does not seem real any more.

By directly employing people to berate inexperienced players, Stars hopes to recreate the slightly nasty feeling enjoyed by millions of poker players while US citizens were still in the games. We spoke to a couple of players about the state of the tables.

First Dieter from Germany, who is happy to be sh1t at poker, as like millions in his country he has big wads of money to throw around. “Ich called againzt ze odds, becauze Ich waz bored und also zehr rich” began Dieter, “und meine nonnuttenflushendrawen hitten” continuing, “now, normalish this would rezulten in ein long lecture about mein fisch playen, including insulten auf meinen family, friends, pets (livink und deden) und alzo questionen about mein sexualisch preferences.” Dieter paused, looking genuinely puzzled, “instead ze guy said, ‘Nice Hand’”??

It is not only in the cash games where people are becoming unexpectedly friendly. John from some drab London suburb in which the residents continually tell each other how cool living there is, had a very strange experience at the final table of a mid-stakes online tournament. “One player got his money in great, with a set against an overpair” started John, “when the board came diamond-diamond, putting 4 of them out there, the guy with the jacks busted the player with the set, then it all got a bit weird…” John took a nervous sip of water, looked anxiously around the room and finally continued, “the guy with the flopped set typed in ‘Good game, good luck to all’ and then, well, just left… I mean, weird or what!”

Pokerstars have apologized to players for these ‘isolated incidents’ of human decency creeping onto the virtual tables, and have promised to set up their recruitment drive for US spite-railers to ensure that the games return to their normal feeling as soon as possible…


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