Thursday, 9 June 2011

Suspicion Grows That Lucky Ferret Is Behind World Series Brit Success

With a couple of bracelets in the bag, dear Melted Felt readers, and a turned queen the only thing stopping a 3rd… it could be said that the Brits are punching above their weight at this year’s World Series Of Poker.

We can today bring you the shocking exclusive on their success as we confirm rumors which were literally flying around Vegas that the Brits have a secret weapon at their disposal. Yes, dear readers, a lucky Ferret has been smuggled into the Rio.

Ferrets, are so common in the north of England that they are said to outnumber people by 3-to-1 and outnumber the ever present Whippets by 4-to-1. Living in peoples trousers (pants), ferrets are loveable rouges who will nip your fvucking finger as soon as look at you, you southern wimp.

What is little known about Ferrets, is that as well as being lucky they are very similar to poker players. Mostly solitary creatures, who become active around dusk, and are able to recognize individuals from their anal gland secretions [You sure poker players can do that? – Ed]. They are also experts in 2-7 No-Limit single draw and are quite keen on high stakes Badugi.

We asked spokesman for the Rio to confirm whether there were any regulations concerning the use of lucky ferrets at the poker tables. While they confirmed that Pets were allowed, and that additional charges were usually incurred for them, they were unable to specify whether ferrets, pole-cats, weasels and other small mammals were able to get the discounted poker playing rates if they agreed to do their time at the tables.

Well, an Elk won a bracelet a couple of years ago – and I’d personally pay a lot of money to see any small woodland creature beat Phil Hellmuth heads up….


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