Tuesday, 21 June 2011

World Series Seniors Event Lost Property Special

This years bracelet event for Seniors at the World Series of Poker drew a record crowd of grumpy old nits, dear Melted Felt readers. While they mumbled to each other that they would whip the wippersnappin asses of those interneter pretenders – just as soon as they got dealt a hand – it turned out quite a few items were, shall we say, misplaced.

These were not only limited to colostomy bags, false teeth, walking sticks, nasal hair trimmers, hearing-aids and extremely comfortable footwear… In fact larger lost items included a 23 year old blonde who was incoherently babbling something about being David Sklansky’s latest girlfriend...

With a $1k entry fee and chance of a historic bracelet up for grabs for the winner, 3,752 players entered this event - only around half of which smelled of that subtle mix of damp and p1ss. It was actually 5 hours before the first elimination, as every single entrant waited for aces, then overbet the pot – making everyone else fold.

First to go was 64 year old Chad Fischer of Pensylvania, who was believed to be suffering from early stages dementia when he actually called a raise with pocket Kings - and then got all-in on the flop against, well, Aces of course. Considered a wild and crazy player by his peers, a special break had to be called while the seniors all agreed with each other that crazy play like that would never be rewarded when everyone else was playing good and solid poker.

After a couple more unfortunates were busted in Aces vs Aces confrontations where one made a flush, the event reached the point where the big blind was enough to put a player all in. Leaving the stealing to those internet kiddos – a world record was broken, as the all-in players were given a record number of walks.

Once the small blind was also all-in, seniors started to shuffle, limp and generally move very slowly to the exit. Things carried on like this – with only a minor interruption as one player gave up on life altogether after hearing his 3,762nd bad beat (with aces of course) story of the tournament.

All of a sudden chaos!

When the ante was enough to put everyone all in the tournament directors had some work to do. A record 3000 players were eliminated in a single hand, and no less than 17 judgments had to be made about who was going to wake the player up to tell them they were out.

At last the final table was formed, and with 3 big blind stacks there would still be a lot of folding everything but aces action for the TV cameras to enjoy.

After 2 hours we got to the everyone all-in stage again, with 7 players eliminated and two sharing the pot with jack high straights. Just as it looked like the heads-up was going to fold its way though while the blinds caught up, a miracle happened – both players got aces!

Well, we could not pass up an opportunity to throw in a couple of clich├ęs, so when the dust settled, the rail cheered - then went crazy, the smoke cleared and it ain’t real poker, real poker is a game of reading a man, was, erm, said… James Hess, a relative whippersnapper at only 50, rivered that flush in Hearts to win $557,000 and his first World Series bracelet… though he never did find his pipe again.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

LOL'd all the way through this, Nice work.

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