Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Light At The End Of The Tunnel For Those Pretending To Give A Fvck About The WSOP

Shocking news from the combined worlds of poker and global finances today, Dear Melted Felt readers. As the end of pretending to give a flying fvck about the World Series Of Poker draws to an agonizing chip-count based close once again.

Relief will be felt moving towards the weekend on forums, blogs and in that bar where you once made the mistake of telling that slightly stinky loser that you liked poker. Relief from the tyranny of retweeting updates, looking up the history of unknown bracelet winners and – well – pretending that you actually care about the latest scandal World Series or gossip.

Of course, there are a couple of agonizing days still to come... Thousands will scan the news wires for the bust out hand of a 2003 PLO8 (short handed) winner that you will never hear of again. Millions will see their 'favorite' poker personality bust, raise their eyes skyward and mutter something along the lines of - "well, with that many players, you need to run good". You'll have opinions, dear readers, hold views and generate beliefs - all the while pretending to yourself that this is somehow relevant to your dull and routine life.

Mixed with this will be some major concerns, coming from accountants, economists and politicians – who have been relying on the massive industry of crappy poker sites re-writing each others World Series news to stop the global economy sinking into a double-dip recession.

Having worked out that for every well written piece, coming from an actual reporter, using unique information or actual opinions – there are more than 13745 *ahem* versions of the same news out there in internet-poker-rules-texas-holdem-dot-org land. With an estimated median cost of $25, and 0.14 players clicking (probably in error) on an advert each time, and 20511 different Series stories or updates, accountants have worked out that initial jobless claims could hit all time highs next month.

Fortunately nobody knows what the process is for counting unemployed ‘poker experts’ from Manila or Bangalore actually is.

Just a couple of day 2s and 3s, then that really painful bit where ‘known’ players you feel you should have an opinion on but have never heard of swap chip-counts, to go – we’ll be at the stage where you can reflect wisely on how things were much better before they introduced the November 9 before you know it.


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