Monday, 4 July 2011

Shock And Disgust As Women Invade Mens World Series Events

The battle of the sexes has been going on since time immemorial, dear Melted Felt readers. At this years World Series of Poker, the battle was in full blooded flow, the weapons of mass destruction being tweets, blogs and hearty agreement over a beer.

While it is within the letter of the law, the big issue was some bitches joining in the MENS events at the World Series this year. Contempt is not the word, dear readers, we can not emphasize enough how low these presumptuous jumped-up little hoes have stooped…

What made things worse this year was some fat chick luckboxing her way to the final table in an all tough guy mans only, hard as fvcking nails no limit Holdem event for proud owners of a penis. As we all know, after hours of hanging with the guys, even a sagging pair of tits can put you right off your check-raise bluffs.

Now, we all know thy chicks play backwards, checking when strong and betting when weak. We all know that 8 handed flops are the norm, and that ‘oh, is it my turn?’ along with 'surprised turtle style' raised eyebrows happens an average of 2.17 times per hand in the ladies events. What we do not know is who the hell let some woman actually register for a mans event and bring down the dignity of the entire game of poker.

In sport it is clear that the sexes need to be separated, men are simply physically larger and tougher – making it difficult for the fairer sex to compete. When it comes to washing the dishes the argument is the same in reverse, women are just so much better suited to this activity than men, whose skills in drinking an after dinner beer while watching the game can never be bettered.

But Poker?


Listen ladies, we love to have you around – you look great and we appreciate the effort you went to in getting rid of the cellulite and bingo wings and putting on just a little too much makeup. Its just, well, poker is a mental game… a thinking sport… and, you know, how do we say it – Einstein was not Emmastein… Steven Hawking was not Stephanie Hawking… you get me here? Let us face it, there are lots of fun games especially for the tottie, bingo is fun and I hear that Farmville is just such a cool way to kill half an hour while you wait for the muffins to bake.

If you would not mind, everyone would be better off if you did not embarrass yourselves again and just stuck to the ladies events in future – that way you are all together and we can come and take photos of the small minority of you who have not yet gone to the dogs.

For those indignant bitches about to write me a comment or a mail (unfairly!) accusing your humble host of being sexist… well, that’s fine – only, could you please vacuum the lounge first…


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