Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Epic Fails - Alternative Poker TV Ideas

With the usually mild mannered Daniel Negreanu coming out and predicting that the Epic Poker League would be a fail – we thought it was time to have a look at some alternatives.

You see, it is not all about c-list poker celebs battling it out in high stakes tournaments, dear Melted Felt readers. Even adding the odd crappy amateur did not really make the thrill of poker on TV stop us flicking channel to some documentary on the secret sex life of the preying mantis… before poker’s *ahem* wonderful image gets tarnished for good those TV execs had better run through the Melted Felt list of awesome poker TV ideas, or something.

Melted Felt's Poker TV Ideas

#1 One Player And His Dog: Here we would show the human side of poker pros, by mixing shots from the tables with dog-trials in which Tong G and Negreanu could put their pooches to the test by weaving around poles and rushing through tunnels – between hands of high stakes PLO (high only).

#2 Guinness And Onion Bhajee SNG Satellites: Each time a player wins a hand they must drink a pint of the black velvet and eat a medium-large onion bhaji, should make for fantastic cards by the time the bubble is reached...

#3: The Bad Beat Bandit: A hard nut cage-fighting karate expert psychopath (with toothache) is secretly filmed in a different casino each week. When someone starts droning on about their latest banal bad beat our hero reveals himself as the bad beat bandit, then takes the moaning douche outside and gives them the kicking so severe that they are begging for their very lives…

#4: Out of Your (Poker) League: This program would feature games involving some beautiful and intelligent poker playing ladies, dressed stylishly and showing both charisma and class at the tables. Features before each hand would show glittering scenes from their varied and exciting lives. To show and interesting contrast, play would be interspersed with interviews with online grinders in their darkened rooms talking about how rich and cool they will be, as soon as their luck evens out enough to get out of their current 'downswing'.

#5 Chino Wins! Here is a slightly more subtle one, some nicely rigged decks allow Chino Rheem to win a large tournament, then we follow him as he is followed by various groups of people he owes large sums of money to. This one could even feature some side bet action before the game finishes on which team manage to get paid first… if any.

I’m sure there are some more to follow, well, if I don’t get distracted by the next story and forget – as usual.

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