Wednesday, 7 September 2011

2+2 In Shock As Jeff Ifrah Turns Out To Be Tracey Smith, 13

With no sign of an end to the Full Tilt saga, the dogs of 2+2 were at least happy that some communication was finally happening, dear Melted Felt readers. One Jeff Ifrah, joined the forum and has been answering questions, dodging hate and generally giving people that oh-so-small ray of hope that their funds might yet be returned.

Well, being more of a public service than a satire blog that used to be funny – we thought we had better have the credentials of Jeff checked out. After one false start in which we somehow hired two private investigators to follow each other, we finally got to the bottom of the mystery.

And the results were shocking.

It turned out that the person fielding questions about Full Tilt on 2+2 was not a qualified corporate lawyer with inside information at all – it was 13 year old Tracey Smith from Doncaster, a medium-sized town in the north of England.

We immediately scheduled an interview with Tracey, and after an arduous journey through a town where Whippets outnumber people by 12 to 1, we met Tracey along with her Mum and best mate Sharon.

“Well, I were bored like” began a plump 13 year old wearing make-up that looked like it would need to be removed with a blowtorch, “me boyfriend, Kev, well, he had a few quid stuck in poker an all, an ‘ee was spending all-t day refreshing 2+2 t-see if there were ‘out news, ‘s right eh Sharon?” Tracey continued asking a bored looking friend who nodded while blowing a small bubble with her gum.

“So, ‘ey, I thought I’d cheer ‘im up a bit an all. An Jeff Ifrah was all on the news, you know, with the Full Tilt an all – so I picked that for me name” going on, “It kind of took off from-t there, people asking questions an-all, well, we were bored like, weren’t we Sharon?” Sharon looks up from her iPhone long enough to solemnly nod, “It were easy! Those 2+2 boys believed all sorts-o bits ‘bout Hedge funds, visits ‘t Isle of Man an all”

We put it to Tracey that her actions have potentially given false hope to thousands of poker players, spawned 100s of almost identical ‘poker news’ stories offering no original content or opinions, and were in fact a flagrant mis-representation at a time when legal action was taking place all over the world.

Tracey replied that she’d better not tell us that she has actually been posting as Fossilman since she was 7 years old and Isildur1 from the age of 11 then… did not want to shatter any more illusions after all.


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