Wednesday, 12 October 2011

Poker Hall Of Fame Preview

Fear strikes deep into the hearts of Melted Felt readers at this time of the year. The nerves fray with the worry that if Tom McEnvoy is denied a place just one more time – he may be pissed enough to actually carry out his threat of writing another of those awful books…

We just feel that an award should be tailored, you know – to the individual – rather than just being ‘for being good at poker’. Instead of just a couple of people going forward, each nominee should have their own accolade. Once this is done there will be less disappointment for those who do not make the cut – and room for Melted Felt to suggest one very important candidate that the poker world seems to have completely forgotten.

List Of Nominees With Their Melted Felt Awards

1) Annie (oh Annie) Duke: Annie gets to take home the prestigious ‘Rats Leaving A Sinking Ship’ award, this is in recognition of her using mystic superpowers to not only leave UB before they failed, but have so little of the sh1t sticking to her personally…

2) John Juanda: “Completely Untiltable award, 2011”


3) Jennifer Harman: With 2 WSOP bracelets, this lady is considered the best poker playing woman around. Since the best men have between 9 and 11 bracelets (lets call it 10) we can happily award Jen the ‘Thanks for the statistical proof that women are only 20% as good at poker as men” award.

4) Linda Johnson: Won a ’97 Bracelet in a side event, and is very good at writing and charity-stuff… we are so baffled by this nomination that the only plausible explanation would involve giving the “you can have whatever f ing award you like, as soon as we get the negatives” award.

5) Barry Greenstein: We are bored with the ‘Robin Hood of Poker’ line which has been quoted and requoted for years now, we think Bazza should get in for being cool enough to be a mate of Iveys, and for having an absolutely smashing beard.

6) Jack McLelland – Wife is friends with the judge’s wife award?

7) Marcel Luske: The ‘Only the Dutch could think turning your sunglasses upside-down is funny’ award and the ‘vauge attempt to have one overseas player to try and pretend that this HOF is more than just Americans patting each other on the back’ awards are neck and neck in our minds, oh do on then, have both, for sure, for sure!

8) Huck Seed: The ‘Let me in and I’ll split the millions from all the prop bets on me never making it award’.

9) Scotty Nygen: ‘What? You mean he is not in there already? This is one fvcked up hall of fame, baby’ award.., seriously baffled that some of the other names could even be considered while Scotty sits on the sidelines.

10) Tom McEnvoy – “Let me in this year, or I’ll carry out my threat to write another of those goddam awful books’ award

So, there you have it – the nominees.

If we may be so bold though, there is one important person who should walk all over this field and be admitted immediately. Barak Obama of course… Sure, he killed off online poker as you knew it on his watch and has done nothing to encourage any legislation which might bring it back soon...

You are not thinking straight here, dear Melted Felt readers, if Obama can get the Nobel Peace prize while engaged in multiple wars and killing his own citizens abroad with remote controlled drones – then surely he can get into the poker hall of fame by destroying the online game??

MF

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