Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Another Fresh Fruity And Fabulous Full Tilt Update

Naysayers have already moved on to brand new areas to say nay about this morning, dear Melted Felt readers, as the deal that could never happen appears to have been done. Yes, players with funds locked up on dodgy poker site Full Tilt Poker are celebrating this evening – even as their entire historical player records are to be handed over to the IRS.

In a deal with tax accountants and tax evasion lawyers nationwide, the DOJ will spearhead the *ahem* repayment of Full Tilt Players as part of a deal with French onion-selling giant Group Bernard Manning. With every American player due to get their cash back through the official federal channels there are one or two who might just have, erm, forgotten that every dollar earned is taxable now wondering whether they can retroactively amend their tax forms...

Players worldwide will be payed off my Bernard Tapie himself from the back of Howard Lederers BMW, with the proceeds of the 3-2 victory of Barcelona over Bayern Munich in next years Champions League final. While affiliates and rakeback providers will be offered bretton striped t-shirts with pictures of both the Eiffel Tower and Statue of Liberty with the words “I worked my butt off for FTP and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” as their means of compensation.

Not only will those forgetful tax payers be in for an interesting spring, at campuses around the US are set to see a bunch of 'massive winners' slowly and surely back down on their claims of having, 'ya know, half a mill, something like that' locked up on the site... Now the money could actually be repaid, their claims of being high-stakes pros who were ruined by the 'un-American' efforts of their own justice department are looking like they might need to be validated in front of their peers... A long way down from several hundo-thousand to $3.36c won in that freeroll, eh?

Some moms and pops might be a little surprised when they receive compensation on their credit cards for binking that MTT last March too.

Anyway, here at Melted Felt we welcome the news and honestly look forward to seeing some competition for Pokerstars on the horizon... we wonder if things will be too late for those out of work Full Tilt Poker Avatars.


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