Thursday, 1 December 2011

Bodog Anonymous Software Goes Too Far

Grinders have always been in the cross-hairs of the poker arm of betting giant Bodog, dear Melted Felt readers. Restricting the number of tables per player, reducing rakeback for winning players and using sh1te-looking software have all been effectively used to put off the online poker pros in the past...

Yesterday a brand new front opened in the war against the spotty nerds whose idea of 'freedom' is to sit in a darkened room all day clicking a mouse – the Bodog Poker tables have gone totally anonymous!

Instead of your really cool poker name like TeddyKGB173 or NateDog98345, you now just get a number, a dull and boring single number for cash games or a number which could potentially run to 3 whole digits if you enter a tournament.

Anonymity is designed to stop data-mining software which the grinders love building histories of players which might then be used to mathematically exploit them.

All very well, I hear you cry in unison, we never played there anyway...

That is only the official version.

In reality there are some very strange effects happening all over the world as some of the powerful code leaks out of the new client and into the real world...

In Houston, Texas, Bill White sat down for his usual crafty half-hour slightly losing session while he was supposed to be collating the month-end sales figures for his boss. After standing up it quickly became apparent that he had become anonymous. Not only did his colleagues not recognize him, despite his pleading and shouting, 'but its me - Bill!', they eventually called security and had him escorted out of the building.

That, dear Melted Felt readers was just the start.

James McCruft of Toronto, Canada was making sweet love to his girlfriend when a particularly troublesome hand from the Bodog tables crept unwanted into his mind. While maintaining a steady rhythm, James desperately tried to figure whether he could have got a few more BBs of value by leading small on the river with his set of 7's – rather than opting for a check-raise against an aggressive opponent.

At that moment the anonymity kicked in, turning him into a number – much to the distress of Katie, his long-suffering lady.

Examples of contagion have already been reported as far apart as the UK and Brazil, with suddenly anonymous players infecting their entire families – leading to some very confused mealtimes and evenings in front of the TV.

Meanwhile, grinders who never played on Bodog in the first place are busy slapping each other on the proverbial shoulders and saying 'yeah, I'm not playing there any more either' in their usual forum bonding rituals... only for some reason the minute they look away from the post they can not recall what the damn site was called.

We asked a spokesman for a statement, only he had apparently never heard of Bodog Poker and was not sure if it was his job to even pick up the phone...

MF

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