Wednesday, 18 January 2012

The Tale Of Sir Galfond And The Kindom Of High Stakes Online Poker Pros

Once upon a time in a magical kingdom far far away the once merry and joyful people were feeling glum. While they worked hard in the fields, their crops of ROI were smaller than ever, however they tilled the lands it just did not seem possible to get their BB/100 to grow any more.

At the same time the evil tyrant of Pokerstars, sitting in their huge and impregnable castle, kept changing their tax calculations. They ordered new rakes be used, which inevitably left less and less for these good, hard grinding people to feed their hungry families. The once happy people of the kingdom of mid to high stakes poker looked up at the black smoke and brooding storm clouds over the castle of their master, and started to wonder if they should have finished up those law degrees after all...

Then one day, just as the population of the grinder’s Kingdom were busy scraping their hard living from what was left of the barren tables – a white horse was spotted on the horizon, carrying a knight in the brightest ever shining armor [shined exclusively by ArmourGlow™)!

Everyone stopped and stared as the knight approached and the gallant Sir Galfond arrived to save the day. Phil had a plan to make the lands of the kingdom fertile and fruitful once again – if only he could get the people to agree to some *ahem* small changes to the way the land was tilled. He unsheathed his sword, and explained that its razor sharp blade would soon be put to very good use.

Joy quickly spread around the tables, future hourly rates were calculated on scrolls and parchments, and much merriment was shared between the people. Together they would storm the keep of the evil tyrant Pokerstars and make the games fairer and more profitable for everyone, well, when they say everyone they actually meant – everyone like them.

However, before their plans could be fully hatched, heads (literally) started to fly. First those people of the kingdom who sat out as soon as the fish lost their stack found their limbs hacked off and their intestines spilled by the gallant Sir Galfond. Next those players who refused to keep games going by playing known regulars were rounded up, and hung from the branches of the once fruitful trees.

Panic quickly spread throughout the land, with hordes of people making a dash over the hill for the tough but far away lands of ‘mid-stakes small site break-even rakeback pros’.

It was too late, swooping up from it’s hiding place behind a pile of unclaimed FPP store ‘Pokerstars Cookie Selections In A Basket’, a giant fire-breathing dragon swooped down and burned every single heads-up bumhunter to a blackened crisp. Seeing this the players who would sit out 3 hands before their button to avoid being priced into one more orbit gave up the ghost, throwing themselves into the wells – where they found patronizing MTT players who just happened to run good dishing out advice for their adoring forum fans…

Sir Galfond sheathed his mighty sword, ‘I have saved the day!’ he declared… before suddenly realizing there was in fact nobody left in the land of the high stakes online pros to address.

Startled by a loud clang, Phil turned to see the drawbridge of the evil Pokerstars keep come down, the smiling tyrant standing beckoning, winking his glowing red eyes and flashing a big roll of cash – ready to give Phil a heroes welcome back to the fold…

And all the investors and senior partners lived happily ever after.


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