Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Another Rehashed Full Tilt Poker Update

Since all the poker news websites that publish slightly worse copies of the poker news reported by a small handful of actual poker news websites, I thought it was about time to make even worse versions of their already bad versions, using sentences so long that you end up holding your breath while you get to the end – and bring you the latest non-news about everyone’s favorite dead poker site, Full Tilt Poker.

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrr-r-r-r

Ok, now you all breathed back in again, lets round things up.

Firstly a judge in Florida has thrown out one of the class action lawsuits filed by poker pros upset that they will have to explain to the DoJ why they paid no taxes before they get their money back. The reason given was that the money claimed by the defendants as being frozen actually added up to twelve times the GDP of the entire world. Whether this was down to the claims of one Darren Cooper, age 15 of Miami, that he had $300 trillion owed we are not quite sure, though his sharkscope graph does seem to be downward sloping…

Anyway – that – as they say – is not – all.

Jesus Ferguson has been pinpointed as an obstacle to the deal going through. Even though he managed to squeeze the Full Tilt lemon for something like $60 million of other people’s money – there is the small matter of $14 million he *ahem* leant to the FTP execs in an unsuccessful effort to keep the completely corrupt gravy train running a little bit longer after black Friday. If this is not paid back soon, he is allegedly threatening a blockade of the GBT deal in a way which will be very similar to the occupy wall-street thing, only involving line-dancing…

Finally we have some good news, as reputable sources suggested that the deal between Group Bernard Tapie and the Feds was sealed. While the return date of March 1st which the French investors had hoped for looks a little on the optimistic side, things are definitely moving forward. We are now wondering if the current economic troubles of in France (who rely on the manufacture and distribution of white flags for 93% of their GDP) could delay the move further.?

Anyway, I am sure Online Poker Best will do a far better job than me of telling you whats up when they do come back online!

MF

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