Friday, 23 March 2012

New Proof Full Tilt Deal Imminent March 2012

We all know that the Full Tilt deal is imminent by now… after all, it was reported in one semi-reputable news site and then replicated (in slightly different words) by everyone else – so it MUST be true.

Well, since I offer a public service as well as a blog which used to be funny, it is time to add to the speculation, contribute to the hype and, erm, lay on some good old fashioned excitement. Yes, I can exclusively reveal that not one – but two – former Full Tilt avatars were spotted returning to the companies Isle Of Man HQ today.

The Panda arrived early in the morning to avoid the rush and was flanked by 2 heavily armed grizzly bears as he quickly padded his way into an unmarked side door. We tried to contact his agent, who confirmed that the Panda was no longer looking for a job and explained that the meeting was to do with a paternity suit filed by Ming-Ming, the star attraction at Bejing Zoo. Apparently the Panda himself is completely out of the Poker game and, anyway, can remember all 3 of his different facial expressions perfectly well.

Not sure about you, but I am just not buying this explanation… after some digging it turned out that Ming-Ming is an old college friend of Ray Bitar and that the Panda himself may have been brushing up his stills over at rival site Pokerstars.

Back in November we had snuck a goldfish with a special nano-technology left fin into the Full Tilt office to get a better idea of what the board were smoking.

Imagine our shock when our spy-goldfish actually became friends with the Full Tilt turtle avatar! We found out some very juicy snippets on that disconcerting grey lady who scared us all – just a little bit. We also found out that the turtle had been forced to resign and reapply for its own job, based on equal opportunities laws, and had almost lost out to a gay stingray.

It turns out that some intensive training was going on, not only to remind the turtle how to put its head back into its shell – but how to ensure that an ace came on the flop when the player using it had pocket kings with a special flipper movement.

If that is no proof then I have no idea what is.

Or something.

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