Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Poker Dating Site To Launch

After becoming increasingly concerned that many of their most valued player’s only contact with the opposite sex was through tube sites – a group of leading poker sites today announced their plans for a dating site aimed specifically at nerdy multi-tablers.

This new site will try and coax the individuals from the darkened basements, by promising contact with real life women – with tits and everything.

Obviously some of the usual elements of success in socializing and dating will need to be replaced for this new site. With post count at 2+2 considered more important than good looks, BB/100 being as good as any measure with which to replace physical fitness and progress towards supernova elite negating any issues with personal odors.

Beta Testing Phase

Beta testing revealed that communication was still an issue, especially in the early stages of setting up a dating encounter. After some experimenting it was found that 12 tabling the chat interactions and using time-banks for the difficult questions like ‘where would you like to go on a date?’ and 'so what do you do when not playing poker?' made the service more realistic for the guys involved.

At one point the whole beta had to be stopped, while the terms and conditions were changed to ban the continual use of the word ‘retard’, which was upsetting the ladies. The bigger problem was that  (unlike on the forums) the trial participants did not figure that they would eventually have to turn up in person at some point – with many of the early participants saying they would not have made those death threats or playboy boasts if they actually knew that the person would eventually find out they were a pale and bony 5’2” nerd with social interaction issues.

Some of the first dates ended up in a little confusion, when Tracy, a bubbly blonde from Vancouver, found out the hard way that the $2 million ‘Balla’ Jeff claimed to be earning each year was only expected winnings. For him to make that much would have required that his raises were actually respected enough that he could move up levels to where there were less fvcking donkeys… though he did have a graph to prove it. It is not that Tracy was purely a material girl you understand, it just that there is a big gap between the Bentley she was expecting and being dropped off by Mom when he eventually showed up…

Another date, between Kevin, a SNG grinder from the UK and Sharon, a slightly dizzy fat bird with a with tied back hair and a green shell-suit, had to be called off. Not only was Sharon confused as to why the constant stream of bad beat stories kept interrupting the chat about the latest Beyonce single – Kevin insisted on continually leaving the restaurant at 5 to the hour for his usual synchronized breaks.

The Future

Testing is now over for the new site, subscriptions can be won online in freerolls with $3 prize pools populated by 15,000 Eastern Europeans.

 Melted Felt believes that this new dating site could really help to get those grinders back into the gene pool – we look forward to the time when those real women (with tits and everything) are desperate and / or drugged up enough to go within 10 fvcking miles of it…


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