Thursday, 21 June 2012
You see, the Spanish have been borrowing too much money for years, mostly from Germany. They have spent most of it on German cars, and houses – which as everyone knows only ever go up in price right up until the day they don’t. With insolvent banks, corrupt regions and massive unemployment their economy is simply not generating enough tax receipts to pay their debts… and their banks, well, they would be royally fvcked if it were not for the fact that housing loans which will never be paid back are marked as ‘a-ok!’ on their balance sheets.
Germany don’t want to bail them out, though would like to see them able to buy BMWs again soon. France would love to bail them out with German money, at the same time as royally fvcking their own economy by bringing in draconian socialist rules to chase away the few remaining profitable business… and the rest of Europe does not really count, since they have no money anyway.
With Obama pushing hard to see a bailout of Spain (and Italy too) in place. A compromise was sought… involving the use of Pokerstars tournament dollars.
Tournament dollars (known as T$) are good for entry into any scheduled tournament or sit and go – and can be exchanged for cash at 5% fee with all manner of online websites.
There are thought to be several advantages of passing $600,000,000,000 tournament dollars to the Spanish government – with the main one the fact that no approval is required from the Bundesbank, and, well, even JP Morgan do not have derivative contracts shorting them at the same time advising their more gullible clients to ‘buy buy buy’ (yet).
With this many tournament dollars the youth unemployment of 217% can be quickly solved by turning the ex-builders into Sit N Go grinders. While cashouts of the T$ will be somewhat restricted by the Spanish governments $1000 per day limit, it is hoped that this vital supply of real cash will start making its way to their treasury just as soon as they send 2 forms of Id, one with a picture, along with a bank statement or utility bill.
Sklansky dollars were apparently given serious consideration, however this was dropped after it turned out that the entire Greek economy has been using these for years - and, well, it did not work out too well for them.
We asked Pokerstars to comment on the terms of the T$ bailout. Unfortunately, even a year later, our contact was still too busy p1ssing himself laughing about Full Tilt’s demise to put together any meaningful reply.