In 2013 their list of poker pros (which
already includes such massive household names as Casey Jarzabek and, erm,
Justin Cook?) is set for a bigggg boost… with the inclusion of 13 of the sharpest
poker minds this side of the Lonely Mountain.
Yes, I am pleased to exclusively announce right
here at Melted Felt the signing of none other than Oin, Gloin, Thorin, Balin, Dwalin,
Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Fili, Kili, Dori, Nori, and Ori – worthy additions to
the list of Lock Poker pros.
Making up for their small stature with fucking
massive aggression, the new pros have taken a vow not to run too many opponents
through with a sword after a bad beat. They are expected to bring their big
Hobbit following along too, though Lock are stressing that their security is
robust enough to prevent any magic rings forming part of a new super user
scandal.
PokerStars Fight Back
The rumor mill is already whirling that
PokerStars are not going to take this one lying down.
With the newly acquired
Full Tilt currently only having a couple of big names, and Negreanu expected to
last far longer than his remaining hair at their flagship site – Stars have gone
ahead with a big little signing of their own. Taking on Bashful, Dopey, Grumpy,
Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy and Doc.
Snow White herself was originally going to be part of the deal, until pics emerged of her double teaming Mike Matusow and Phil Helmuth, putting the negotiators right off of their breakfast.
Snow White herself was originally going to be part of the deal, until pics emerged of her double teaming Mike Matusow and Phil Helmuth, putting the negotiators right off of their breakfast.
Party Fight Even Backer
Yes, Tony G will have some fine company
with the timely announcement that the Sackville-Bagginses are to join the list of
Party Pros.
Titan Fight Even Backerer
The leading site on the iPoker Network are
no strangers to losing their second tier poker pros, erm, no, I mean – leading
the way with awesome poker promotions, or something. After lengthy negotiations
with Jimmy Kranky and Dr Evil's mini-me fell through Titan were at a loss with which dwarf to sign.... After ruling out the cast of
‘Time Bandits’and, *ahem* accidentally murdering Pobby from Harry Potter in a terrible anal blunt knife trauma incident - many hands were wrung, several nerves frayed and just about all possible nails chewed…. Alas the
story ended well, with Tom Cruise set to join Titan soon.
Lets hope at least one of you has actually seen Time Bandits...
MF
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