Friday, 25 October 2013

Quick Fire Friday Poker News Roundup

Its Friday, the favorite day of the week for people who think 2 days off in a row is reason enough to live the life of a slave! Friday used to mean a roundup of the poker news every week here at Melted Felt. That was in the good-old days, when this blog used to be funny. Now as the world’s only poker satire blog what is *officially* no longer funny, I am proud to bring you the Friday roundup slightly less often than I can be bothered – if that.

Anyway, this is the paragraph where I summarize the week’s news and tell you how fucking exciting it is. Whoop whoop, its great this week, awesome, poker is really very interesting, no, you are not dull at all, poker players are balla, I mean, whooo, cool and everything.



I’ll crack on with the roundup then.

Negreanu Wins Poker Beard Of The Year Award

Despite some stiff competition from whiskered poker players around the world, motor mouthed Negreanu’s rather thin though delicately trimmed beard has won him the ultimate accolade of Poker Beard of The Year 2013.

It was a close call, McEnvoy threatened to write more of his atrocious books if his grey fuzz did not get some votes. Sklansky got his lawyer involved to verify that less than 10% of his beard was made up of the pubes of women half his age, and late contender Annette Obrestadt was disqualified after it was found her mustache was actually chocolate milkshake.

Tom Dwan has threatened to enter the race next year… if someone could please tell him exactly how one grows a beard?

Indian Court Declares Poker A Game Of Skill

I’m surprised this one did not make the headlines, since poker players are usually so anal about their ‘skill’ element (even though 95% of them would be financially better off playing casino games).

Anyway, this was a high up court, and has set a useful precedent for this country of almost a billion people. We are still waiting for the outcome of a test case to find out whether forum spamming is skill or luck…

Big One For The Drop Back In 2014

Good news for people who have a spare million, the ‘Big One For The Drop’ will return in 2014 with its charitable dual mandate of providing clean drinking water to people without access, and showing average poker players just how fucking poor and insignificant they really are.

56 people will demonstrate just how pathetic your lives are with the winner probably taking home more than the $18 million bagged by the beardless Antonio Esfandiari in 2012. Participants may be required to sign a declaration that they do not see any irony whatsoever in drinking Evian during the event…


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