Monday, 16 December 2013

Lock Poker Take On Mandela Signer To Solve Withdrawal Issues

It has been a long week, dear Melted Felt readers, where greedy entitled lazy cunts all around the world have likened their quest to get more for doing less with the lifelong struggles of Nelson Mandela.

At least the sad death of such an epic guy had a happy ending for one individual.

With the scandal fake deaf signer Thamsanqa Jantjie still reverberating around the echo chamber of online news, we are happy to announce that he has found a new job in the poker industry.

Thamsanga has accepted the role of heading up withdrawals at Lock Poker, and will start as soon as he comes out of hiding.

You may be surprised at this appointment, but insiders are almost certainly not.

He has all the right qualifications, including:

-          - The balls to stand up in front of billions of people talking absolute nonsense (well, signing, but hey, that’s good enough for Lock).

-          - A prior conviction for Theft.  (ok, he did get caught, but nobody is perfect)

-        -   Got away with Murder. (probably!)

-          - Trusted enough to stand with world leaders including Obama. (as long as nobody checks)

Lock are 100% confident that Thamsanga will have the payout issues solved and the poker site back on track within days.

If not, well, it was all the Revolution Gaming network’s fault, and a rogue payment processor and some dodgy players pretending to be affiliates and… what issues? There are no fucking issues! Just one or two people, no big deal, they created the problem for themselves by doing something wrong, nope, we can’t tell you what, of course our payments are among the fastest in the industry… Just ask Tham.


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