Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Lock Poker Repayments Announced via the Liberia Poker Open

Finally, Lock Poker look set to pay out their long suffering players. It has been a long time, and there have been a lot of excuses, dear Melted Felt
readers, but things are finally looking up again.

What with all the banking restrictions in place in the US at the moment, Lock have been forced to find some alternative means of getting the cash returned.
Heading over to Europe with some wads of cash was considered, but ruled out once they realized that ex poker pro Annette Obrestad could potentially unleash
hordes of angry Norwegians armed with medium-sized herrings.

Instead there will be a poker tournament event to celebrate the return of everyone’s money, and closing the biggest single poker scam of the last few years once and for all.

Yes, dear Melted Felt readers, you are invited to come and play in the Lock Poker Liberia Poker Open.

This prestigious no-limit Holdem tournament is open to all Lock Poker players who are owed money completely free of charge, and will feature a $1,000,000 prize pool to compensate for the delays.

The date for your diaries is the 27th of November, and the venue is the incredibly sterile surroundings of the Medicines Sans Frontiers tent (that’s the 3rd marquee on the right), in the Ebola treatment center. Refreshments will be provided, though it is advised to bring some Imodium,
as there have been cholera outbreaks in the area recently. If you do happen to have a bio-suit, that’s all the better, though you’ll need to take off the mask when announcing all-ins as stipulated in part 7, section D of the tournament rules.

After the tournament is completed, a big press conference will be held, the winner of awarded a trophy and directions will be given for the return of the money owed to all players who turn up.

Melted Felt was lucky enough to get directions to the stall for the handouts, which is just behind the bathroom linked to the isolation ward, between the morgue and the place where they incinerate the bodies.

After this is completed, I hope we will not here anymore ‘whinging’ about Lock non-payments ever again, you fucking fish.


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