Tuesday, 10 November 2015

If Poker was Other Hobbies...

Today, dear Melted Felt readers, I am going to delve deep into the world of that strange (and frankly pointless) phenomenon known as... other pastimes.

As strange as it may sound - for years now human beings have been doing things with their time other than playing poker. You know, getting out and about, meeting people... developing as human beings rather than multi-tabling robots... Here I look into these odd wastes of time called 'hobbies'... and see what they would look like if poker players were the main participants.

We start with a good walk spoiled in the form of Golf, where our online poker player goes into the final hole leading by 2 strokes. His sole opponent gets a lucky deflection off of a small rock, and *ping* lands within a foot of the pin - sinking his putt to snatch the match at the last moment. Of course, our poker player follows him around for the next 30 minutes hurling insults him, quoting his previous scores and reminding him that he will be a loser over the long run...

Our second online poker player takes up Sport Fishing, consistently coming in 4th to 6th in terms of number and weight of fishes caught. But do you know what? If he just had an average number of bites he could probably become a pro...

If Poker Players Collected Stamps?

Next to the high-adrenaline world of stamp collecting. Where our online poker player has just lost out in dollar terms after a couple of small trades. No problem of course - it is just time to move wayyy up in value to where fellow collectors respect his trading.

Chess has always been considered the ultimate mental test with levels of thinking running into unimaginable heights. Our poker player posted a position on a popular forum after moving his Queens Bishop to G6, only to see his opponent spring a well constructed trap and force mate in 4 moves... of course our poker player utterly rejected advice that he should have moved his Rook instead, after all he was very comfortable playing a bishop post-flop at this level, in fact he went on to insult the records of everyone who tried to help him and explain why his was the superior play - just for good measure, you fucking retards.

Finally we pop in to the retro-gamers club of New York State University, where an online poker player decided to enter the yearly Doom tournament... he lost of course, after all he was, erm, we really need to say it? you sure? ok then, Doomswitched (sigh).

Bringing this post back has just reminded me of an important message for the 90% of poker players who lose (thats ok, I know it is you, I won't tell anyone, you can continue to pretend to be a shark on 2+2)... anyway, my advice is this, play casino games, you'll lose slower and have the chance of a big windfall. Find out more at www.sitandgoplanet.com/casino/casino.html


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